How to Dodge Jury Duty 101

A few weeks ago I had a surprise in the mailbox, a small envelope that had the perforated edges labeled 1-3 for easy opening and the words "JUROR SUMMONS" in the upper left hand corner. Happy Day to me! Actually, I was kind of excited. I've never been summoned to be a juror. I began thinking of all the John Grisham novels I've ever read. Being on the jury and watching the case unfold in the highly dramatic courtroom always seemed so Hollywood. What if I got on a jury that had a high profile case! I could write a book when it was over and make millions. I could go on morning shows and maybe even Oprah. WOW! And then I came back to reality, I live in Birmingham. Capital "B" for boring. The best case we've had was Richard Scrushy and I was not what those attorneys were looking for to be a juror. I began to not be so excited about juror summons. I called my mom to see if she wanted to come spend the night with us and stay with Aidan so I could fulfill my part of the democratic process and the guaranteed right of the 6th Amendment. I was confident that I would be dismissed for being a stay-at-home mom or a former teacher. I'm not sure why but I've always had friends tell me teachers were not wanted on juries. My mom happened to mention my summons to my Aunt Tina(who recently retired from an Ob/Gyn office) and she said that all I had to do was get my Ob/Gyn to write an excuse for jury duty. DUH! I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant! I can't go 45 minutes with having to pee. Not to mention that I can't sit around all day because my feet swell, my toes look like cocktail wieners and my ankles disappear all together. Plus I look like I'm having a spasm when NewBaby lands a good kick or punch. I am my own excuse! Why didn't I think of that! I called my Ob and sure enough, they would send a juror summons excuse for me. I then called the phone number on the summons and talked with a nice man whom I asked if being pregnant was an accepted excuse, he laughed (I'm sure he thought I was an idiot for even having to ask), told me it was a legitimate excuse, and gave me the fax number to send the excuse to. I'm not sure how I'll dodge the next summons. After a little internet search I discovered other legitimate excuses:felony conviction resulting in losing right to vote(won't be going that route); over 70(Isn't that a bit prejudiced? Does the government think being over 70 makes you incompetent?); being so important to the operation of a business that your absence will cause it to fail(I've got that if they count a family the business. This place would fall to pieces if I wasn't around)(Just kidding Honey); being an attorney, physician, dentist, or registered nurse(Again, prejudiced! That is not true and not nice of the government saying that being a physician, dentist or registered nurse means you're incompetent! Being an attorney, well, sometimes the truth hurts.); being a volunteer firefighter, rescue squad member or ambulance crew member(Possibility, if they would let me drive); and of course the one I now know, being pregnant. Well, better tell Derek we'll need another NewBaby in the future.